I get told that I’m a negative person a lot by people that haven’t experienced my life. I’m not being negative but I am realistic. Life isn’t all about just going through positive things. Those that are continually trying to be positive aren’t able to properly deal with the negative things that happen in life. I try to be positive in regards to keeping some form of hope for the future. I don’t have hope beyond my limitations though because that just leads to disappointment.
Many years ago I was told that my goals were unrealistic. I was living in a residential home for people with Autism at that point. Even when I moved into independent living afterwards it was the same. The staff used to tell me that I had to aim for smaller goals that were more within my reach. In example: once I got told that I would only ever get to be with a person that did manual labour as a profession due to higher classes of people not wanting to be with someone who has a form of autism. We had this mindset practically drilled into us in that place. That made me rebel against all the things they taught us about the reality of how myself and others with autism was perceived by society. I thought that I could show them that they were wrong and that I could have better goals than predicted. I realise now that it doesn’t work. I can’t force others to let me into roles that society says I don’t belong.
I live my life the way I do now to protect myself against further allegations from those that lack understanding of Autism and mental health. I’m not being negative by not socialising or having friends. I’m being realistic because I want a peaceful and drama free life. It just isn’t worth the risk in my eyes. I’m different, vulnerable and misunderstood. I can’t be safe in a world that doesn’t understand those that aren’t mainstream or the growing number of psychopaths in our system just lurking out there to exploit or use the vulnerable. I’ve already come across way too many of those types and I’m only in my early 30s. I’m not going to go out there before I’m truly ready and make myself an easy target for those types of people. I’m not strong enough to deal with those types at the moment. Realistically, some of us need to stay on the side-lines of life for our own self preservation. That is being cautions rather than negative. It’s about learning how to survive in personal circumstances. I wish that I had got married, had children (or in my case, been able to keep my son), a reasonable job rather than unemployment. I’ve now learned not to compare myself to the lives of others because non of us are the same. We’re not meant to all have the same outcomes. That is completely okay. This doesn’t make anyone’s life negative because they don’t have a family, children or a job. If you’re not realistic then you’re more likely to be depressed because the constant need to want more in life than maybe possible for your individual circumstances.