I just don’t care anymore.

I made an effort to get up earlier than normal (well before the afternoon anyway). I just don’t care about anything today. I barely want to even eat. I just want to sleep and be on my own all day. I’ve been out to get a few things earlier before it started raining. I’ve still not got my monthly yet. I’m nearly a week late. I am bound to not feel emotional until it makes an appearance. I thought that it was going to happen yesterday but it was just spotting. This definitely isn’t normal so my hormones must be screwed up a bit.  I don’t want to talk about that part of me anyway because it’s personal. I’m just starting to not care about anything. I have lost any passion I’ve had in life. I don’t feel that I can ever be normal again. I have tried so much to get back into life after losing my son to adoption. I just won’t ever feel able to do that because it changed me. I pretend to be happy but I don’t have the ability to really feel happy. I don’t want to have to pretend any longer. I’m broken underneath. I can’t hide from that reality. I’m never going to be free regardless of how much I try to move on. It’s impossible to move on from losing a child in any circumstances. I accepted my sons adoption but I remain broken. I don’t want to participate in life anymore. I tried to do that and made a mess ever since I lost my son to adoption. 

 

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