Hormones can be really irritating.

I don’t want to go into too much information here but my monthly is three days late. I have an app on my iPhone that tracks them. It has successfully predicted the precise day I started my monthly for as long as I’ve owned this phone. I am bloated which is what normally happens before my monthly. I don’t feel the normal things anywhere else though. It’s like everything has ceased to process in that department. I’ve not changed my diet or anything. I’m still doing the same things. I’m not normally late. I’ve been late by a week but that hasn’t happened much. I didn’t have any when I was pregnant. I’m definitely not pregnant. I may just be ageing prematurely. I have silvery grey hair strands appearing in a few places. I have thick hair so I can hide them at the moment. I’m hoping that more hair strands don’t grow through grey. I’m only in my early 30s so I don’t want to go properly grey at this age.  I always feel tired which is quite annoying. I didn’t get most of the things I’d planned to do today because exhaustion hit me quite severely. I had to go to bed after I didn’t get up until midday anyway. 

In a system full of corruption, those that stand by and watch are just as bad.

I want to be brutal here because it is the only way that changes happen. I’m sure that many people have read what is happening in our system. That is basically just a form of entertainment via the news sources for most people who haven’t been involved in the system; for example, social services, criminal justice, the care system and so on. These are other people’s lives that you’re picking up to have a gawp at and then forgetting about after maybe a few days of thoughts at the very most. I’ve got a form of autism, even I can see that this isn’t helpful for individuals, like myself, who have got stuck in the system due to their personal circumstances. There are always many reasons things happen. Abusive behaviour by those that are in positions of power have fuelled many situations in my life. I’m sure that is the same to many other disabled people within the system. I’m sorry, but it is entirely true that those who watch the awful things that the system are just as guilty as those who carry out those actions. I know that it is extremely hard to go against the system. There may be serious complications, such as losing your job, criminal charges and other negative consequences which could happen if someone blows the whistle about the wrongdoing of the system. I understand that it has dire risks sometimes. But if nobody speaks up, who’s going to stick up for those that are vulnerable and being mistreated by the system?

As for the person that got me sent to prison. I never turned to them because I liked them as a person. I wanted them to help me but all they did was turn on me. They used me to get attention and sympathy telling everyone that I was some kind of stalker. They’re as rotten as the system. They are as evil as the system. Their accusations weren’t true. I was only convicted because I was told to plead guilty and it never went to trial. They may say to others that I said awful unforgivable things which may have sounded like threats to them, but if the whole story was known, I retaliated against how both they and the university treated me. They are a huge waste of space just like all the others that uphold the system regardless of how much emotional abuse it has dished out to create difficult situations for vulnerable adults. They can go screw themselves because I’m not as young as I was when I met them. I’m no longer naïve enough to believe that there was ever any good in them. They could easily challenge the system given their qualifications and experience but they decided to just go along with it. That isn’t being a decent person whatsoever.