Awake at a stupid hour & stressful system.

I feel sick. I’m still awake at  stupid hour watching Netflix. I overate today attempting to stick to a diet. I seem to eat more when I’m meant to be in on a diet. I’m really awful at trying to lose weight. I can do it by accident but if I’m trying I normally gain weight.  I also eat when I’m stressed. I was told that I didn’t have to go to court for the application to delete the work requirement (community payback). Then the application was rejected due to the magistrates insisting that I attend the hearing. They are currently rearranging the hearing in the coming weeks. I heard from my probation officer who says it’s unusual for magistrates to insist that the person turns up for that type of application. I wasn’t even the party that made application, probation submitted it. I get told I’m not in trouble but these courts can’t be trusted. The authorities in this area certainly can’t be trusted. I know that I’ve stepped on some very high up toes in the process of campaigning against issues. That makes me a little scared of possible legal revenge tactics. I don’t want to go to the hearing but I also can’t avoid it if I want to draw a line under everything that has happened. I can’t be seen to let the system or other people intimidate me. If I don’t turn up then things will be left hanging. The court will keep rejecting Probation’s application. I can also get found to have breached a court order which most likely would see me receive a prison sentence. If you end up inside once then the punishment for further offences is normally an automatic prison sentence. Especially if you’ve previously had a suspended sentence activated for breaching another court order (the restraining order). I am trying my best out here. I don’t want to get sent to prison after all the effort I’ve made to ‘be normal’. I will always have my autism and a few mental health issues due to things that have happened in my life. That is an illness not a criminal act but our society seems to not know the difference, we get punished rather than understanding and compassion.