My new car needed petrol again today. I’ve avoided filling it up for as long as possible due to my anxiety convincing me that it would break down again because that’s what it did last time when the battery died. I’m okay now. It’s been done and my anxiety is gone: I’ve now calmed down about the car breaking down again. I feel like an idiot for getting so anxious about it. I just had this fear that history would repeat itself. I get anxious so easily nowadays.
I’m completely different from how I used to be. This may not be a good thing despite some people assuming that it will be better for me to be this way. I used to be ambitious with life goals but that is no longer the case. I used to want a career, kids, marriage, etc; but now I’m happy with just existing. I accept my life this way. I no longer feel sad that none of that came to fruition. We don’t all get the life we imagined. I used to not be cool with that. I have only recently accepted my reality. That is mainly because to work towards any goal I’d have to be able to have much more energy available than I currently possess due to health issues. I’ve also lost a lot of confidence due to things that have happened which really doesn’t make me want to put myself out there. I can’t believe that I have changed so much. I used to be so determined and pushed myself really hard. I am now laid back and will willingly drift through life.