This weight is not ‘me’.

I know that I said a few weeks ago about not really being bothered in regards to being ‘heavier’ when it comes to how much I weigh right now. I keep looking at myself thinking that what I see in the mirror is not what I actually want to be. I’d rather be smaller and I have piled the weight recently. I have gone back to exercising with my weights this week. I haven’t walked so much but I’ve been clearing stuff out of my flat. I don’t want to push it too much right now because I’m a bit injured right now. If I do too much on my knee when it has fluid built up then I end up with one massive knee for months… then I won’t be able to even walk properly. Only a few weeks of being chilled about my weight resulted in rolls starting to build around areas that I really do not want them.

I find it hard to stay my previous weight nowadays because I’m exhausted most of the time. I still need to go to my GP about that after I slept through the last few appointments. I’m on the last warning otherwise I get deregistered. I haven’t even rang the surgery to explain. I am aware that it sounds ridiculous but it is the honest truth. I closed my eyes due to being exhausted and the next thing I know I’ve woken up after my scheduled appointment. It isn’t as if the last two appointments were in the morning, they were mid afternoon. I don’t want anyone to see me as lazy. I try my best against how tired I’ve started to feel at the moment. I haven’t been for a walk today. That was mainly due to the rain. I went out in my car for a while. I needed a few bits and it was nice to just get out of four walls for a few hours.