Exhaustion just hits me :(

I didn’t have a lot of sleep last night. I went for a walk to get a few bits. That is my only option until I get another car. Public transport gives me horrendous anxiety. I avoid using it unless I’m going to somewhere that is over about 10 miles away. I had to get the bus to Leicester and other neighbouring towns in the past but then I started taking my car more. The supermarket is only a five mile walk at the most. I carried a bag of shopping back with me. I feel like I’ve been lifting weights. I normally hook my arms through the bags I’m carrying so my hands are free to change the music on my headphones. I can’t walk without music in my ears because the world is just too loud. It’s also a good way to avoid people pulling you into social interactions while you’re out walking.  That is my time away from everyone and everything. I make sure that it stays that way.

I got back home and the exhaustion hit me like a brick. I can’t do anything without having a nap. I can’t nap for long because I already haven’t done many of the things I had planned. There is too much mess to leave it because it mentally makes me feel stressed. I have to keep it at the level of an organised mess so that I am still able to vaguely function. I am able to function in mess until a certain point but it has got beyond that point now. I can’t let it get any worse. I think that employing someone like a cleaner is lazy and they wouldn’t be able to clean properly until all the clutter and mess is chucked out or organised.