Day: July 4, 2019

Friendships / attempting to create a tan.

I get asked about friends and social life a lot. This led to the topic being covered on here tonight. I used to want friends, but as I get older, I would rather be on my own now. I miss going out socially because there was times when I was younger (down south) which was quite active in that department. I am still a social being but I’m not obsessive over being social with others any longer. I always wanted to have a best female friend or group of female friends. I have given that idea up now because they just do not like seem to like me. I have tried with other females but I’m just not able to maintain any kind of friendship with them at all. I do have female friends now but I’m not close to them. I really should meet up with people more than I have in a long time. I know that those friends understand that losing my son to adoption changed me.

I worry a lot about others. I would rather have less friends because I find it less stressful due to worrying about what is going on with them. I get distressed over other people’s issues and I really wish that I could fix them. I do not like being that way. I therefore avoid getting involved with others now. It is the only way to not get stressed. People are a major source of stress in life. that isn’t their fault, this is just a fact of life. I like being single but also sometimes I want to be in a relationship. Then I think to myself that a relationship just equals hassle. I also don’t want to start a relationship if it’s not going to be long term because that seems like a waste of time in my eyes. I’m nearly 32. I feel that my priority is to find long term relationships if I don’t want the single life any more. I do want another child at some point but I probably only have a decade left of being the right age to go there again. I’m not looking for short term flings. I think that they’re a waste of time. Life is all about building things otherwise there is no point to doing things or having relationships/friendships if it’s not going to grow or establish itself over time. 

I’ve attempted to get some kind of tan by using gradual tanning moisturiser. I’m trying to look less pale but not like someone from Love Island (I do NOT watch that programme). I just kept looking at my legs the other day in a skirt and knew I had to do something about them being lily white coloured.