Attitudes and general assumptions which can be quite triggering.

I am convinced that people do not listen because of the kind of attitudes and assumptions I experience. I started this blog etc to educate the public from a perspective that they find hard to see naturally. I do realise that dealing with the public can become volatile when they display an ignorance to things they cannot understand. I just feel that there is only so much I’m willing to turn a blind eye towards without saying something. I do not want to offend but I’m going to be quite blunt here.

In my past I only ever wanted a friend. I saw everyone at school paired up and I really wanted to have a ‘best’ friend.  I was labelled from a child due to my differences which led to everything that happened in my adult life. Those that stooped to the lowest level of labelling a child for wanting a friend so badly it physically hurt should be ashamed of themselves. They never let me grow up before assuming I was mad or bad. I had to watch my dad’s illness get worse and towards my teens his illness got quite severe to the point where our whole lives were affected after he ended up having to rely on oxygen. The system never asked what the reason behind my behaviour issues were, they only punished me. There were reasons I didn’t want to live at home and it wasn’t because I was an awful person. I didn’t feel able to watch things progressing because I knew my dad didn’t like living that way but he also didn’t want the alternative which was going to happen at some point. We were close. There are still photos of him when he was quite ill. I can see the unhappiness in his eyes. I even had a dream eight weeks before he passed away predicting his death. I never said anything until after it happened. We were at the point where the hospital visits were like putting band aids on the issues but they were only temporary fixes prolonging his life a tiny bit more. It was hard to see that at the time because no one wanted him to pass away for as long as possible.

I am seriously fed up of the attitudes I experience from even those that call themselves friends sometimes. You really don’t know my truth. I have never let people know the inner me. I’m not that autistic to not realise the hints in some of the things they say to me. I don’t like it because it does my mental well-being no good when I’m trying to move on in life.

And, as for our system, I am still getting nowhere with the Section 117 aftercare  meeting request. The place that it was passed onto hasn’t even replied to me. Then DMU (De Montfort University) never bothered to reply about sorting out the loan which I shouldn’t have to pay back. They shouldn’t even have been paid for that term because I was suspended before it actually finished. I told student finance what was happening at that time. It looks like DMU never informed them that I was no longer on the course because they sent me the statement after I would have graduated. The fact that they’ve added interest on something I virtually didn’t use is also adding insult to injury after everything that happened. This is what I have to put up with as a vulnerable adult/autistic person. I’m ignored when I put in valid requests or complaints. Then I’m supposed to not react after doing things the correct way has just got me ignored. The services never listen to disabled people. The university was always ignoring things. This is how the situation ended up the way that it did. I’m not blaming other people. It’s the truth. I’m sure other victims of the university’s messes can see that what I’m saying is true. Many of those people are still unable to be open about it due to non disclosure agreements. I know that I wasn’t the only student to experience the appalling treatment by the university but others are less willing to be open about their encounters with senior management there. I know that I’m in the right about the loan issue so why should I just lay down and let them leave it on my account? 

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