I heard a group of school girls talking about potentially having PTSD because they kept thinking about someone connected with a negative experience. That got me thinking that maybe I should explain what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be like to actually experience. We are all affected by things that we’ve been through in our every day life, however, the severity level and frequency of how we get affected depicts whether we are in the PTSD category. We all have people that we would rather not see because they scare us etc. However, PTSD means that you have a fear of all people after whatever has happened in your life.
That fear leads to constantly feeling anxious and nervous when around other people. You get paranoid that others are negatively talking about aspects of your life or as a person. On the worse days you can be walking passed someone on their phone and get the impression that they’re talking about you. I have to tell myself off when that starts happening to me. I tell myself that I’m being stupid and over sensitive. Or, when I see people I know or even ones I don’t know looking at me… thinking that they’re judging me in their heads. That is why I don’t go out socially that much because I get frightened of being negatively judged by others.
The issues last 24/7. There is not much of a break from them. Even at night when you’re asleep… nightmares, flashbacks etc. If I am woken up by one of those then I an be affected negatively the whole of the rest of that day. I’ve had times when I have woken up from a nightmare and been shaky for the rest of that day. I can sometimes see my hands shaking. I have been known to be physically sick due to stress and anxiety.
Then there is the times when the door buzzer rings or someone knocks on your door. This makes you extremely frightened. I feel like jelly for 5 to 10 minutes after I’ve answered the door and know that it is safe. I don’t recover straight away. I worry a lot even when others try to reassure me that everything is ok. I haven’t got a PTSD diagnosis yet because it is very hard to get that when you’ve got an ASD diagnosis.