Families…

I am trying not to offend anyone by this topic but it is something that is an issue for me. I think we all have some issues with our family members though. I currently have an aunt that is visiting from another country for a few months. There was a discussion about a barbecue where we are all invited. I can’t go into this in full detail because I have said that I won’t talk about my private life too much on here. It isn’t safe and I won’t be popular with anyone related to me if I do go there.

Anyway, as a family we are what I can only describe as ‘disjointed’. I haven’t seen some members of both sides of my family for many years. I talk to some members of my family via messenger but I haven’t seen them physically for quite a long time. I would like to see some of them again, but when it comes to my father’s side of the family, I don’t feel comfortable since my dad passed away. I don’t really feel like they’ll want me around now that our link is no longer alive.

This barbecue plan is with my mother’s side of the family. I was up for it when the idea was discussed. However, now that I think about it, I’m not too keen for the following reasons. I share the view that my mum does in regards to the fact that we never actually see the rest of these family members unless they randomly turn up out of the blue barely ever, mostly when they’ve heard some kind of gossip about any of us. And I never see them, unless I happen to be visiting my mother’s when they turn up. I don’t remember the last time I saw those that are inviting us to this get together. I also am put off going to these reunion type things because I haven’t properly ‘made it’ in life. I can’t say that I grew up to be anything due to never having been officially employed. I’m used to others seeing me as defective and not ‘good enough’ because of my autism diagnosis (my diagnosis has always been common knowledge as I was always open about it from a young age). I do not have a chip on my shoulder. I am just merely being realistic. I decided not to take up the invite because we are practically strangers and I don’t feel comfortable potentially being judged now. They’ve all got quite high up and professional careers. I am just a blogger, writer and artist  type who isn’t even established yet. I’ve only ever managed to sell self published copies of a book I wrote about having autism as a female, won a few art competitions (well Christmas card competitions) and entered artwork in exhibitions. I don’t think that this qualifies me to be part of that kind of circle.

On the other side of my family (Dad’s side) they were mostly professional too. I had an aunt that was a social worker before she retired, a cousin who is a paramedic or something along them lines and another cousin is a PCSO. My dad was an engineer. There is a teacher (I think that is my dad’s cousin) and I think another of his cousin is a vicar. I don’t know a lot about wider family on either side or actually remember a lot of the information due to being a lot younger when my family was more together.