I have no energy today! But, so much to do.

I am definitely still anaemic. I can’t build energy today despite getting up at lunch time. I’m also extremely depressed which doesn’t help my health problems. I managed to drive to the supermarket to pick up something but I had to drink caffeine not long after waking up. I was good on the way back though because I bought a drink of water and had a banana for lunch. I have gained weight again but that happens when I’m anaemic too because my body holds onto water. It collects in the worse areas, upper thighs, around my knees and my lower abs. I need to start taking my iron tablets again because I have my blood test next week to check my levels. I was feeling better so I didn’t go back on them because I was eating things containing iron. I can’t stay on those supplements on a permanent basis so I was training my body to absorb it from foods I put into my diet. It seems that my body doesn’t want to cooperate. I’m used to being genetically doomed so it’s nothing I’m not used to happening.

It is bad enough being stuck on antidepressants. I don’t think I will ever be able to live without them. I can’t regulate my emotions successfully without them. I go down to the point where I can’t function in every day life. I can function most days on them but slower than ‘normal’ people. I can drive at a normal speed as it is more of an automatic ability due to how long I’ve been able to do that. It is just when it comes to completing tasks. I tend to put them off if they require things my brain is not able to do automatically. Learning new things is hell. I hate tedious tasks like cleaning and throwing endless crap out that I keep finding while sorting out my flat. I can get overwhelmed just by looking at mess. I’m feeling sick at the moment just thinking about things I need to do in regards to putting my bed covers back on the bed and the endless vacuuming due to the cat hair or bits they bring in (which is hard with the malfunctioning vacuums that I have).

It didn’t help that I woke up today from a nightmare shaking. I’ve stayed shaky all day because the anxiety from the dream has stayed with me. I can’t even remember what the dream was about. I only know that it was frightening enough for me to wake up shaky and on edge. I was restless before I went to sleep last night. That may have caused the dream. I was thinking about everything that has happened and feeling really upset over it all.