I have been revising for my exam for 2 hours. I need a break for a while now. I literally am developing brain ache. I can’t possibly allow myself to fail this exam again. I missed it the first time around due to life issues. Then the next time I failed to pass the portfolio when I attempted to pass it ‘inside’ (although this environment was horrendously anxiety causing for me so that was probably environmental reason why I didn’t pass).
I plan to actually celebrate if I manage to pass this time because I will just be so relieved and happy. I can finally focus on other areas of education that I actually have an interest in, rather than the boring basics which literally give me head ache trying to catch up with the schooling I never got as a child. I am trying to be confident in my abilities to pass level 2 Maths but I can make stupid mistakes when I’m nervous. I didn’t think I would feel nervous the night before but I am starting to feel that way now.
I just know that Maths is my weakest subject and fear that I will just forgetting everything I’ve tried to get into my head. I can’t exactly photographically memorise this subject. I have used that methods with other GCSE’s. English and Maths is more skilled than fact and information remembering. I only got a C in English when I was predicted higher than that by our Tutor. I was ill on the day of that exam which didn’t help my final performance. I still attended my English exam but I felt absolutely awful. I managed to get a B in both Sociology and Law GCSE by using my photographic memory. I can literally bring back the information into my head that I’ve previously read. It didn’t help so much with Biology or Psychology, but I still got a C in those, which is a high enough grade for a pass. I don’t have a scientific brain which is required with Psychology and Biology subject. I did these GCSE’s with very stressful things going on alongside in my personal life. There were times when I could have just walked away from it all. It felt like a huge mountain to climb at the beginning of it.
Also, when I failed my Maths GCSE and had to subsequently start from the beginning, that felt like I was thrown half way back down that mountain. I’m hoping that tomorrow I can finally pass this exam which means that I have obtained an equivalent of a C in GCSE Maths (functional skills pass is grade C level). Then I’ll have finally passed all the qualifications I should have completed when I left school. That is a very important goal for me due to school wanting to write me off.