I’m fed up of things being this way okay!

I have tried to be nice about it. I have attempted to understand things from a different point of view. However, I still feel victimised when things keep me awake. I’ve had to take sleeping tablets to not care about it enough to get some sleep in the past. I get frustrated because I do not want things to be a certain way between me and another person. I can’t approach them due to the restraining order and as it lasts indefinitely because I stupidly broke it originally I cannot try to approach them about clearing the air etc. This isn’t fair on me and they’ve played the victim making me look the awful party. I get kept awake by it. That impacts my life because I end up tired and unable to function properly. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to force someone into doing what I need but it’s gone on long enough. I know that if the other person is a narcissist type then they’re going to be enjoying watching me suffer. Those types like to torture those that they see as targets and enjoy being mentioned due to how powerful it makes them feel. They play the victim to those that they know and that gets them attention.

I am not up to playing games. I do not want things to continue as they are currently. I get distressed over it and I can’t sleep. I’m absolutely fed up of being treated like I’m some kind of disease and accused of things I never actually did by the other person. I just want it to end due to how it makes me feel about myself. I feel like a failure because this other person has made me feel that way by their accusations and order for the last 3 years. I have felt emotionally abused by everything that has happened. Then a friend of theirs tries to tell me the university wanted the order. I’m sick of people trying to swerve responsibility. May I remind everyone that none of us involved are at that university any longer. It takes one application to remove the order to the magistrates court. One quick session in that court with both parties there and everything is back to normal. I also just want to say that I have never been a threat to the other person. I said things in anger because of the situation at the time. I was also begging for their help after my son’s adoption but they turned away. They are the awful one, not me.

I only ever wanted a friend. I never followed them. I have never been to their house. I only found out things about them by total accident when I was digging for other information. I just want them to finally cut the bullsh*t because I’ve had enough of being made to feel the way I have felt for the last three years due to their attitude against me. I didn’t chose to be autistic. I explained my autism to them right at the start to avoid legal issues. They have NOTHING to fear from me. I am harmless and always only had pure innocent intentions. I just don’t want to be made to feel this way by them any more. They’ve destroyed my confidence keeping things the way they remain. I have got it into my head that I’ll never be good enough because they won’t give me a chance. I started thinking that I was an evil person due to their friends relaying the accusations against me they’ve insinuated to them. Things need to desperately be stripped right back and all the old sh*t, like the order, along with everything that has been said in anger and emotion thrown in the past bin. A clean slate and possibly getting to know each other again would help me and make them see that I’m not a threat. 

4 thoughts on “I’m fed up of things being this way okay!

  1. Forget them, Em. There’s lots more important stuff in your life than this person and their “friends” (cough) and it would be much better for you to move on. You don’t need their permission to do so; in fact just saying, “fuck this, I’m sick of this shit” and walking away from the whole mess of someone else’s creation would be good for you and give you a much-needed confidence boost. Although you can’t break this order, why would you? Ultimately it’s totally irrelevant to you. Walk away.

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      1. It’s easy to say “it shouldn’t”, but, y’know… it shouldn’t. I think the rationale is that she isn’t in control, you are. It’s your life, your destiny, and she’s part of your past, not your future. I’m kinda not good at the motivational speaking thing, especially approaching 3am, for which you’re probably thankful! But you know it makes sense. Don’t allow her to have that power over you: because actually it is your choice, as much as it can be hard to realise it actually is a choice. The only choice you don’t have is to go backwards, but why would you do that? You’ve seen the sort of “friendship” you’ll receive and nobody needs that shit.

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