I’m starting to feel a lot better now that my iron levels are gradually going back up. I predict that my next blood test will come back saying that I am no longer in the Anaemic range. I still have to take the medication (iron tablets) I’m on for five more months just to make sure that it stays at normal levels. So far I’m feeling so much better which is a positive sign that things are going in the right direction. This is the first week in months that I haven’t felt so tired. My energy levels go up and down which gives me an indication of how low my iron levels could be. I also have got burnt out too from everything I’ve had to deal with on an emotional level over recent years.
I went for a 10 mile walk today. I’m starting to feel like my old self before I got ill. I used to walk a long way regularly before I started to feel tired all the time. I know things haven’t been great recently between me and others but I really don’t want things to stay as they are presently. I never meant to get caught up in the DMU stuff that was going wrong. I knew there were things going on but, like a lot of others, I never realised the extent of the horrendous things happening there. I did what I thought was appropriate at the time with a bit of anger added to the mix. The things I may have said via email was just anger, they meant nothing and I didn’t want to cause anyone distress. I thought that I was sticking up for myself. I know that people won’t ever believe me, but I reacted because I cared. If I didn’t care for the other person involved then I wouldn’t have got emotionally hung up on it.
I’m told that I’m a soft touch for even being prepared to forgive negative actions against me done by others, but I do not want conflict any more. I just want peace between me and others. Maybe, even one day, we could be friends (although they have an awful lot of ground to make up for me to ever trust them again). I am sure that in the future we can coexist in and out of each others lives. I could be very useful in my own way. I don’t get frightened of danger. I see it but I will face it head on. For instance, if someone is pointing a gun at me I’ll probably sarcastically say … are you going to get on with that? Potentially that could get hurt but that is the kind of person I am. I won’t be intimidated when I’ve been made to feel that way the whole of my life because I was born Autistic. There are always ways to find common ground and work together. We don’t have to clash and things don’t have to be the way they are between us forever. If me and someone else put our intelligence and skills together we could be an unstoppable force and influence in the Journalism industry. This isn’t in my power to do. The future of whatever happens is not in my hands because I do not have the resources to ask the court to end an order or make someone come round to seeing I’m actually someone worth knowing in the long term.