I get absolutely fed up of being made to feel ‘below others’ because of being different (on the spectrum). I have the same abilities/potential as other people that aren’t on the spectrum. I don’t like being made to feel that I’m not good enough. I’m just never taken seriously. I only get taken seriously when I say things in anger because no one has previously listened to me when I’m trying to tell them important things. I don’t feel that I’ll ever be able to establish a career after I have been openly Autistic since I was diagnosed when I was 16. I would advise anyone not to be open about being Autistic because it’s caused me nothing but set backs. This is why I’ve decided to do the undergraduate law degree via the Open Uni. I want to find an opening in that sea of ignorance. If I am qualified to degree level with letters behind my name then I can make myself more equal to those that have always looked down on me.
The fact that I have tried to uncover things in the past and ended up punished throughout my life also pisses me off. In one instance I’m not taken seriously by others… but when it comes down to the things the establishment (authorities) don’t want others believing, I am subsequently punished for saying something about things I’ve seen that haven’t been right. I am aware that people assume that I legitimately deserved what was done to me in my past. If others knew everything that went on which wasn’t put in notes etc, then they would see how innocent I truly am. I was caught up in things caused by others and reacted because they pushed me into a meltdown. That has happened in every situation that has resulted in me getting into trouble. I’m not violent when I hit meltdown point. I just say things in anger. I have a lot of bark but no bite.
Then there is the situation between me and the other person which resulted in a restraining order. I don’t like how they refer to me behind my back. I did NOT stalk them. I merely tried to get them to listen to what I was trying to say for a long time. And, now everything has began to come out about the University where everything started, some of the things I was trying to tell them actually doesn’t appear so crazy in context. They refused to listen to me. I even took the order issue to court several times but they refused to remove it (which is something that I wanted due to the circumstances that led to how it materialised) and gave me court fines to pay for the hearing to appeal that part of the magistrates decision. I didn’t just approach the other party at first instance. I started to contact them again because I wasn’t getting anywhere trying to get the proper channels to listen. I even wrote to the University on more than one occasion over the last 4 ish years. I never got a reply from those official channels either. I’m not the awful one, despite the other person making me out to be that way. They have no idea of all the facts from my side of the case. They have made it pretty clear that they don’t want to know the truth either. They are comfortable with their side of the truth. That is the side they are only interested in seeing. I do get jealous of them even though they no longer have their former job. The way they have treated me makes me feel like they’re saying I’m worth nothing as a person. Then they are friends with others that have disabilities. That is just really insulting to me because they got an issue with things caused by my disability. I feel that this victimises me. I have a right to be angry at the other person for how I’ve been treated. If it was the other way around they wouldn’t like it either. The other person keeps telling others that I terrify them … that is horrendously hurtful to me. I’m the least scary person. Others just fear aspects of Autism (especially the PDA type) because they can’t understand it.