I know my own body. I can do this fight one last time.

It is quite annoying when people can actually notice that I’m on the painkillers due to how bloated they make me. I don’t have many left. I know that my body can take the end of the pack and then I’m giving them up because I’m strong enough to do that nearly. I know that my body is complaining at me and it cannot take another pack of these Solpadine things. I either come off of them or die. This is my choice in the long term. I want to be slim again. I can’t do that while I’m bingeing on those things. I’ve kind of proven that it isn’t my anti depressants causing weight gain because that is the only medication that I could have for the month that I was in Prison and a tiny bit of diazepam to help me sleep at first. I did feel better for it.  It is just hard to maintain self discipline on the outside where everything is freely available. I am aware that I don’t have to buy them but there is a pull towards them that only an addict would understand. I feel like there is still an invisible thread drawing me in when I see them walking past a chemist etc.

I’ve dropped my car off to be repaired. I haven’t heard from them yet so I presume that it isn’t done. I went for my walk while I was out and now I’m just resting on my bed with the cat. Mister is much happier. He finally has stopped peeing around the flat. The problem was his flea repellent collar. As soon as I took it off of him he returned to his normal self. It wasn’t even tight etc but he just doesn’t seem to like them much. He has slipped off every collar I’ve put on him so far before this one. The cats do not like collars but I put them on them for a month during flea outbreaks. They are then double protected by spot on and the collar that repels fleas. I took off Mimi’s collar too because they’ve had them on for 4 weeks now. I don’t agree with collars because the cats prefer to be free range and are microchipped. There is just limited ways to prevent a flea outbreak occurring. I’m glad that Mister is so much happier now. He was obviously determined to tell me to get the collar off of him. I think the bells on the collars drive him crazy too. He kept scratching at it which is why I took it off to see if it was that making him unhappy. Every time Mimi has her seasonal flea collar put on, she proceeds to sit under the coffee table for about an hour afterwards in protest. Mister has never got that upset before… although he normally manages to get the collar off and abandon it outside somewhere. I think the fact that he couldn’t slip it off was driving him bonkers. I know how he feels because I have just started wearing necklaces after over a year and I’m very aware of having something touching me around my neck. He’s having his belly tickled at the moment laying on his back next to me. I’m typing with one hand.