I had my second Reflexology session today. I love it and feeling less stressed for once in my life! I put an exclamation mark there for a reason because I’ve literally never not felt stressed about things in my entire life so far. The pent up stress she felt in my feet during my first session was making me ill. I felt exhausted all the time etc. I’ve managed to get a bit of energy back but I’m still going through the effects of just starting this alternative therapy. They aren’t all pleasant. I get a headache during my session and today I had one after my session too for the rest of the day.
I’ve managed to develop a cold after my first session. Apparently it takes at least 6 sessions to stop experiencing the detox effects. I’m feeling less anxious. I feel like I can socialise without overwhelming anxiety building up. I’m going to attempt to go out more although it is going to be difficult. I’d much prefer to be at home but I have to push myself a bit more to completely get over anxiety and depression. I’m feeling huge at the moment. I’ve gained too much weight to fit in some trousers. I wouldn’t mind but my thighs look bulging compared to how they previously looked. I know that my shape is changing but I don’t like it. I’m still slimish but everything is going rounded. I’m hoping now the treatment has taken my monthlies back to normal that I potentially slim down again. It’s not like I even eat anything fattening.
I am told that one of my Kidneys are still struggling. The other one seems to be okay now. Ironically the side that is weaker is the one on my left side, this is the side that used to go dead after I had seizures growing up. I have always felt like that side isn’t like the other side. They just feel different. The two sides of my body feel slightly misaligned for many years. I assumed that I was just imagining things. It turns out that both sides of my body are actually imbalanced. I can see why I’ve been confused all these years. I do struggle quite a lot but I don’t know if I can ever get the issue corrected. I still feel that life isn’t worth living at times. It gets so annoying trying to contend with Autism, learning disabilities and now physical issues materialising. I know that I shouldn’t say this but sometimes I would find it easier to be dead. I find out that people hate me for my choices and I hate living in a world like that. I don’t have as many choices as others having Autism and my other problems. That doesn’t make me any less moral than those that have children in marriage etc. I have high standards. That is why I am still single. I have no desire to be in a relationship. I do not sleep around and anything I may have done as a youngster is firmly off the cards now.
I was planning to have an early night tonight but it didn’t happen because we had a power cut in the locality where I live. I had to wait for the power to come back on to finish things that I was doing before being able to go to bed. It came back on within an hour but I was just about to do things when it all went down. Even the street lamps went out.