I can’t even type a blog entry tonight. I just have no ideas whatsoever. I shut my brain down for a rest today and now it’s worked a little too well. I can’t really concentrate on anything. I think I’m just emotionally worn out to the point that my brain isn’t wanting to think. I find it annoying because I started writing the book I had planned but now I’ve got writers block quite badly. I got exhausted cleaning the cat’s litter tray and then straightening my hair today. I didn’t go for a walk because it was raining…. well it was by the time I got up this afternoon. It was okay earlier because I remember waking up and looking outside.
I hate the winter weather. I don’t like walking in the rain any more. It’s okay if you’re not walking far but after two hours I’m absolutely soaked even if it’s just drizzling. I feel lazy today because I’ve done no exercise at all. I haven’t had the energy to do any. I know that I’m only in my early 30s but I’m starting to feel really old already. I used to be much more active compared to the way I am now. I wanted to go out. I enjoyed socialising. I now can’t think of anything worse than going out socialising. I know I’m not myself after everything that I’ve been through in regards to my son’s adoption and the events which followed that over the last few years. I never thought that I’d ever break. I put on a smile and carried on as normal for a long time. I faked being happy even when I was quite the opposite. I probably shouldn’t have done that because it gave people the wrong impression. I’m so used to putting on a smile and acting like everything is fine that I do it automatically. I wish I didn’t do that because it’s misleading.