The truth. I deserved to go to Prison. And I should feel bad for how I acted.

This is the truth. I don’t want people I know to keep telling me that I don’t deserve to feel bad and that the other person involved was the awful one. That isn’t right at all. I hassled the other person for over 3 years because I wanted a friend. I didn’t know that it wasn’t the way to be. I said things to the University that I probably shouldn’t have done in anger. This apparently ended up in an investigation into the other person involved. The internet accounts that were the friends of this person only started hassling me because I didn’t take the hint and get lost, plus things I sent to the University via a letter. I said a lot of things in anger that I didn’t mean. I wasn’t aware of how they sounded because I remained angry about everything up until recently.

The other person really didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not right that they’ve lost their job. I was vindictive first because I was angry about things that had happened when I got excluded from the University. I solely blamed the other person. I went for them out of revenge after that happened. I never listened to what they wanted. I only cared that I wanted to be friends. I was controlling and didn’t give a sh*t what they wanted okay. Therefore I deserve to feel horrendous about my part in the situation. It was my fault. I started it… that is the end of story okay. The other person did absolutely nothing wrong. I was an awful person to them. I wouldn’t go away because I wanted to be friends. I thought that I could change their mind by pressuring them but it didn’t work. I was selfish and cruel to them. I deserved the order. I deserved to go to Prison and the endless fines in the case. This is me taking responsibility. I don’t deserve sympathy. I was one hell of a vile b*tch to them. This is the truth so please stop telling me I have no reason to feel the deep guilt that I do at this time. 

4 thoughts on “The truth. I deserved to go to Prison. And I should feel bad for how I acted.

  1. Well you don’t deserve to feel bad *now* because it takes huge courage and honour to face an issue like that, head on, and take responsibility for it.

    Now I am going to tell you what I have always thought. Of course you are right, the other person did nothing wrong and did not deserve this, but *YOU* did nothing wrong and did not deserve to lose your son and fall down a rabbit hole into a world where you were just somehow expected to take that devastating loss on the chin and get on with your life…

    …and being you, you tried to go along with that and go one better and use that experience to benefit others in a the same position when a lesser person would have become bitter and twisted and off their box on the nearest abusable substance as often as possible.

    To say “it was all too much” would be the understatement of the year – but you blew a gasket – that’s like screaming and lashing out because you are seriously injured and in agony.

    The lashing out is wrong, but so was the injury, and at least the lashing out is understandable.

    Please be at peace with you now…you deserve it…
    Gaye

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  2. everyone makes mistakes we all act different to situations but it doesn’t makes us bad people we just have to acknowledge our mistakes and learn from them

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