Clear out time… much more huge job than I first predicted. / Invisible disabilities being acknowledged.

I started the process (and that is definitely what it’s going to be) of clearing out my clothes that I no longer wear today. Then I started to look at what was needed to be done elsewhere. It’s going to take a lot longer than expected. There are places I’ve not been for a very long time. The dust has built up thick and everything is a huge mess. This is what depression does over a long period of time. I live in a flat that is a mess and doesn’t look very homely. I didn’t really care about while I was depressed but now it’s starting to irritate me. I want to live in a less dusty and messy flat. It may take me a while to go through the place to make it look reasonable because of my tiredness. I did the clothes clear out on very little sleep anyway due to being woken up a total of 4 times by both my Cat’s wanting to go in and out of the Window. I do try to stop them but it is difficult due to them being nocturnal in nature but also liking to come in to snooze for a while during the night hours. They have got so used to that pattern. I will have to change it over time because long for a full nights uninterrupted sleep.

I used one of those new accessibility type toilets today. They had one in a Supermarket which I visited earlier. I normally don’t use disabled toilets because I am not physically disabled and I always believed that those were just reserved for the ones who had blue badges etc. It had the not all disabilities are visible sign on it. I have an Autism alert card if I get questioned about whether I actually have a disability or not. I decided to use the toilet.  I’m still not used to invisible disabilities like mine being even acknowledged yet. I’m sure that I could probably get a Blue badge under the new rules about invisible disabilities but because I can walk I would therefore be depriving someone of a parking space who is unable to walk which will be more of an inconvenience  for someone like them than myself. I don’t mind parking a distance away from somewhere and then walking the rest of the way. That is what I’m used to doing throughout my life. I can’t go out when I have major anxiety which means I miss appointments etc. I’m finding people are more understanding of this nowadays. I do feel extremely bad for missing arranged things but sometimes it just isn’t within my control.

Also, I missed an appointment with somewhere on Monday because I wasn’t told what it was about. I got a text Sunday night telling me that I had an appointment somewhere. It only said office but no location. I get a text from someone I have to go see regularly today telling me it was an appointment with a team that I had been referred to before Christmas. It was sprung on me literally the day before I was booked to go see this team. Also, it didn’t tell me which office it was going to be held in. I need to be informed a few weeks in advance or at least a week at the most but certainly not the day before telling me that I have an office appointment but not even stating at which office it was booked in. I am told it can be rearranged. However, it makes me look bad because I hadn’t a clue what the text was going on about so I didn’t turn up. I do want help from this team but now I look like I am not bothered. 

I also tried a Greggs vegan sausage roll today. I enjoyed it better than the meat version. I’m not a Vegan but I do eat a lot of Vegetarian things. I prefer to eat Vegetarian because I don’t like meat much and there is also the fact that I don’t like the thought of the suffering animals go through being slaughtered for food. I will eat meat if I’m a guest at other people’s houses but I won’t order it from a restaurant or eat it every day at home. I will definitely be having a vegan sausage roll from Greggs next time I’m passing there. I have also switched back to Goats milk. And I brought a chocolate orange because I literally haven’t had one for many years. I do feel that the price of them is too much though. £2 but they’ve got smaller. I remember when they were a lot cheaper. I haven’t eaten it yet because I have self control when it comes to chocolate now.