Woken up early again but didn’t sleep well last night.

I was up by 9am. However, I don’t feel like I’ve had a lot of sleep due to waking up in the middle of the night. I got back to sleep eventually but not until after 3am. I have done half of what I needed to do in my flat today. I am now needing a rest for a while because I get tired easily. I am feeling my energy coming back a little bit though which is a sign that I may not need a nap during the day anymore soon. I think it’s more depression than a physical thing. I have got more energy since I have started trying to move on with life despite how much things have hurt me. I’m not wasting anymore time on all of the stuff that upsets me. I’ve already spent 3 years constantly beating myself up over my mistakes and subsequently putting my foot in it just making it worse trying to fix things. I’m not a bad person but I am socially clumsy so it’s best if I don’t even try to make it right when I screw up. Also, can I just point out that I am not a whore for having my son as a single person. I did not go out there and get myself pregnant by a stranger. His father was a friend who I had known quite a while before we embarked on our arrangement. If I’d never decided to have a child I’d have still been a virgin now. I’m not ashamed to say that because I’d rather be that than a Tinder tramp. The fact that I have taken photos does not mean I’m a whore either. I operated a strict you can look but don’t touch policy. I’ve now quit doing any of those types of photos much to the disappointment of some male friends. I have more self respect for myself now that I’ve said that I’m not doing those types of photos now. I have only had sex once in my life which is when I got myself pregnant, therefore I am far from a whore.

I am looking at my clothes which I desperately need to sort out. I have found out some charity bags. I just have to persuade myself to tackle it. I realised that I had purchased the wrong handset from Amazon. I wasn’t wanting an additional cordless handset because it doesn’t work with my landline system. Replacing a piece of technical equipment used to be so simple. I feel extremely dumb for ordering the wrong one. I really must nap now before I literally fall asleep typing and it doesn’t help me stay awake when both of the Cats have fallen asleep on the Bed next to me. I’m attempting to be organised but I’m still quite disorganised. There is just too much clutter in my flat to think straight. I just have to get the energy to have a complete clear out. I can do it in stages but I can’t leave that kind of job half finished because it will be even more of a mess.

2 thoughts on “Woken up early again but didn’t sleep well last night.

  1. I feel so sad that you feel the need to defend yourself like that. Anybody who knows you can see you’re not as described; even people who don’t know you shouldn’t be writing nasty, judgemental shit like that. Says much more about them than you.

    And yeah, technical stuff. Been programming computers since the early ’80s. Been a long-standing sysadmin and even worked my way up to IT manager. That stuff still confuses the hell out of me. As much as I might say “it’s because I’m old lol etc” it’s actually design flaw if it’s that counter-intuitive. Was actually talking about computery stuff with someone just the other day and discussing that, for all they look way more flash and streamlined, they’re actually so much more obtuse and difficult than they were.

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