Lack of proper sleep again / Sorting out my clothes.

I am literally falling asleep at the keyboard. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I managed to get a few bits done this morning until the vacuum cleaners malfunctioned again. I popped down the Supermarket for no more than an hour to get a few bits. I then came back to a card for a parcel that had been left with a neighbour on the other side of the block. Luckily the person dropped it around a few hours later because I don’t know them. I was a little apprehensive to go ring the door buzzer when I had no idea who lived at that number. I am used to the faces that go in and out of here but not who lives at specific numbers. Anyway my new Onesie has now made its way back to mine eventually. I’m not really treating myself. I am replacing my other Onesie that is very worn on the sleeves to the point where the fabric is starting to peel. I have wore it for over two years to the point where it is now fading and falling to pieces/thinning. I don’t see the point in buying new things until the other things need replacing. It is just a waste. I’m happy with a few rotations of day clothing and PJs. I don’t want a huge wardrobe of clothing.

I already need a massive clear out of the clothes I no longer wear due to them being far too large or teenager type styles. I have to start dressing for my age. I won’t be able to get away with wearing clothes from my teenage years by my late 30s. I want to look like a grown woman rather than a teenage girl. I can fit into some of the clothes I had as a teenager but I’m not keen on them any longer. I will miss my purple jeans but they are worn to the point where they’re peeling on the seams going down the legs. I loved them jeans so much but it’s time to send them to be recycled. There are places which take second hand clothes to recycle which actually pay you a small amount for them. I’d rather they be recycled than just thrown away. The undamaged clothes could be given to a charity which donates clothes to the homeless or those in third world countries. I’m going to give my warmest Coat to a homeless charity after I’ve replaced it. It is very thick and will keep someone warm during the Winter. If we have a Winter like last year then they’ll need a Coat like the one I’m about to give away after I’ve got a new one. There’s nothing wrong with it. I am replacing it more because of memories I have associated with my current Coat. I want to get rid of things that remind me of my teenage years because they weren’t pleasant. It is a way of moving on from the pain of the past. The same with some of my other clothes that I have from back then. It is all about changing things so that there are less reminders of unpleasantness. I’m going to be decorating my flat which hopefully will get rid of some of that unpleasantness too.

I need to go now because the vacuum cleaners need unblocking again… for like the millionth time. I was going to get more done in regards to cleaning the flat today but I don’t have the energy due to not sleeping last night. One day I will manage to reset my sleep pattern but it is difficult when you are traumatised over things. The worse time for PTSD like symptoms is the middle of the night. I can’t sleep after waking up from a nightmare. I am unable to settle enough to get back to sleep. I hear a noise and I’m on edge so easily any time of the day or night. It is worse when you literally worry about getting enough sleep at night because then you’re likely to get even less sleep or sometimes none at all. Mimi has now decided to sit on one of my arms so I’m now typing one handed. Both of the Cats are laying next to me. I would love to be able to sleep as easily as a Cat seems to drop off for a snooze.

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