Disastrous day :(

I didn’t sleep until 6am because I was talking to several people online. I then didn’t wake up until about 4pm. I totally forgot the doctors appointment that I had this afternoon. That is the 3rd time I’ve missed an appointment which could mean they ask me to find a new GP. I’m hoping that when I explain my sleep issues they’ll make an exception but I will have to phone them about my absences. And, to top it all off, my Lucozade Orange drink spilt on my car’s floor after it tipped over while I was driving. I’m glad I stayed up talking to others last night because I found out something that now explains everything that happened. The person I melted down in front of in a meeting at the University was the Head of Security. Everyone but me seemingly knew that you’re out if you upset him. I wasn’t given a heads up by anyone at that time. I wish I’d have known that then. I couldn’t hold my meltdown in so it probably wouldn’t have made much difference either. I’d gone passed the point of keeping calm by the time I ended up in front of that one. Apparently he was quite high up in the Police in this area. I knew that everyone seemed to act like they feared something but I didn’t know what it was actually about. I could feel things intuitively. I always knew there was something.

Also, I’m sorry but I don’t fear this person. Technically this is more than about what happened at the University. This person was in a top position within the County Police when I was labelled a criminal for challenging them as a teenager. This information is key to not just sorting out my present issues but even things that have happened in my past. This piece of information is something that I can use to go through the proper channels to sort out the past. There has always been extremely powerful intimidating figures in positions of authority in this area.

Everything does happen for a reason because this person fits into the jigsaw puzzle within my past because of their former position. If none of this didn’t happen then I’d never have found these key details out in the process. I’m not going to reveal my sources. I need to start building a legal case to officially put a stop to the cover ups and other horrendous crap that happened in this local area under this specific person. If I’m going through the proper legal channels then they cannot get me into trouble. Seriously, I have nothing to lose because I lost my son to adoption, the person that I really wanted to be friends with will always hate me and I’ve already been to Prison. It shouldn’t go wrong if I’m going through the legal routes. I will probably never work because no one will employ me due to the criminal label. If I can fix the past then things like the restraining order being in force won’t bother me so much. I will happily disappear now because sorting my past out is a lot more important to me than fighting constantly over the order. Yes it keeps me awake at night and I get nightmares but going back over it isn’t helping. I wish it had all been different. I’m sorry but I’m clumsy enough to keep making it worse.