I was behind myself today but actually caught up :)

I got up at a stupid hour again. I have barely seen daylight for about a Week. It hasn’t affected me too much today because I managed to get everything I had to do done today. I didn’t go for a very long walk because it’s getting colder after dark now. I feel quite lazy but right now I get tired when I’m depressed. I’m bloated which makes me feel even fatter due to leading up to my monthly. It hate my hormones because they make me feel like crap for a few weeks every month. I don’t like looking fat even if it is just water.

I’m actually ready to sleep tonight. I know that is weird considering I slept during the day. However, last night I never slept until 6am which means the most I’ve slept is probably 3 hours. I woke up at 9am and was awake for about an hour and then went sleep until about half 3. It was broken sleep rather than straight through. I don’t settle well at the moment. I’m not allowed any more sleeping tablets because they don’t give them out long term. I will just point out that sleeping tablets aren’t a good thing to use but some of us have no other option sometimes. I know that everyone thinks I’m open about who I am and parts of my private life. I’m not completely open because I can’t keep my privacy if I share everything.

There are bits of my life and who I am that I’ll never share with others. I also don’t feel like sharing things with others like I used to because I feel exposed. I only really shared parts of my life due to the Autism awareness aspect. That was mainly to try to get others to understand Autism rather than it being primarily about me. I don’t want to be out there. I liked the idea of fame etc when I was a teenager but as I get older this is something I find brings me a sense of intrusion. I’m tired so I may not be writing the blog much. I need to get away from everything for a bit. I can’t be who I used to be because trauma from my life has changed me.