I tried to sleep last night but I couldn’t because I was restless. I go out to my Car this morning to take Mimi to the Vets. I realised that I hadn’t looked at the right part of my Car when I went into the bollard the other day. I had a quick look in the dark. I never used my Car yesterday which meant that I didn’t notice anything until today. The bumper that I had repaired early this year now has a massive crack down it and part of my light is broken. I’m hoping that my light still works because it will be getting dark when I have to pick up Mimi later. I have been very unlucky with this Car. I never had as many bumps in my old Car.
I inherited a Car off of family which is why I sold the other one. This current one has been nothing but unlucky. More costly repairs at the garage and more bumps and scrapes. I hope that the bumper can be sealed rather than having to replace the whole thing again. It costs nearly £500 to replace the whole bumper. The annoying thing is that it has damage to the part which was damaged before when I got the bumper repaired. The same side but slightly more on the corner than it was when it first got damaged. I didn’t even do that last bit of damage. I had my Car vandalised by a drunken pensioner with a walking stick when they had an argument with someone I had with me at the time. I wasn’t even aggressive to them but they took it out on my Car.
2018 has been an awful year for me. It hasn’t been great for me since my Son was taken for a forced adoption in 2013. However this year has by far been the worst for being constantly knocked down by something before recovering from the last thing. I am traumatised by everything I’ve been through even before this year was a constant kick in the face. I can barely sleep because I always feel the trauma at night most of the time. I do feel anxious constantly but the dreams I have (more like nightmares) and how I wake up startled at any noises is the worse part. I can’t remember last time I have actually had a decent nights sleep. I can’t remember what it’s like not to feel tired. I have forgotten what it is like to actually feel relaxed. I haven’t even felt truly ‘happy’ for years. I may put on a smile but that is just a mask. I got used to being smiley when I was unhappy. That is now what I do to cover how I’m truly feeling from the outside world. I’m hoping that 2019 will be a lot better than this year. There is still time for something else to go wrong as we have 4 weeks left of this year.