Celebrated but now I feel down.

I drank  only a glass of the WKD bottle which I left in the fridge. I have two left over from what only can be described as a disastrous dating experience in July. I basically drank alcohol to get through it because I wasn’t at all attracted to the person I went for a drink with that night. I actually told him in a round about way that there wasn’t a hope in hells chance I would be interested. That doesn’t do down very well and despite being neighbours he didn’t speak to me in passing for a while. I would rather be blunt when I know that I’m not feeling anything while with another person. It saves time dating people that you know that you won’t even be able to grow to like in that way. I’m the kind of person who knows within half an hour of spending time with someone whether I have any sort of feelings for them. I know that men in particular find that being bluntly told that you aren’t in any way attracted to them. They just hate being shot down in flames by any woman they’re trying to make an effort to get to know.

I really shouldn’t drink alcohol because I’m not used to it. I only had one glass and I’m already feeling down. I haven’t drank alcohol for a few months and before that I hadn’t drank it at all for over a year. It really brings out your true feelings. I am not even allowed to be friends with the person I had feelings for at one point. That makes me tearful despite how they treated me. I wouldn’t even care about having a relationship with them now as long as we could be friends again. Admittedly I’ll never trust them again after putting me in Prison but that’s life. There are many people who are indeed quite shady and they may be interesting/fun but they certainly aren’t people that deserve to be trusted. I don’t think it’s even their fault that they are like that. People turn out the way they do due to life experiences. I wish that I hadn’t be so naïve but I suppose we all need to be young and stupid at some stages of our lives. I’m still only 31. I feel like I’ve settled down a lot and maturity is finally starting to kick in. I only had a glass of alcoholic drink which is something I wouldn’t have done a few years ago. I wouldn’t have stopped at a glass. I would drink until I felt drunk and fell asleep. I don’t even like the taste of it anymore. But I realise how much I want the restraining order thing to be over and to at least be able to be friends even if we can’t trust each other. It’s better than how it currently remains. I feel hurt over it regularly but when I have had alcohol it really comes to the front of my mind. There is absolutely no way I would risk breaking the order again but I don’t like bad feelings between me and others. I feel stressed because those feelings are lingering. I just long to be able to chill over it but I can’t unless we sort it out and at least be friends without so much negative crap lingering.

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