I shall start with what I’ve just realised about my learning disabilities. I’ve just been reading through letters from various places while tidying up before heading to bed. I read a few more than once. I have just realised that I don’t read the text the same every single time. I can read it through more than once and each time I will take it a different way. The way I interpret sentences changes every time I read them. I have never noticed this issue before until I sat down to read something I wasn’t quite sure about how to interpret. I can read something perfectly okay as a hostile sentence. Or read a hostile sentence as something that I interpret as totally okay. This is why I probably struggle so much when it comes to parts of education. They tell us to read the question several times. I have just realised that each time the instructions of the question most likely changes in front of my eyes because of how my brain interprets it each time I read it. It is like my brain can’t interpret things properly.
I also have horrendous sleep patterns even with medication that is suppose to help me in that department. I’ve had 4 and a bit hours sleep over the last few nights and some of that was until midday sleeping. I know that the inability to sleep as an Autistic is a common problem but it doesn’t help being able to function during the day. I would even be okay if I could just get two hours extra. I go to bed earlier to try to get that to happen but I just can’t sleep that long all in one night. I’m just not the kind of person who sleeps through the night. Even as a child I drove my parents mad because I’d be upstairs writing stories if I couldn’t sleep. Adulthood is so much harder to function without enough hours sleep.
I am a lot better with Support. I’m finding it a struggle to live in my own home because tasks are getting too overwhelming for me. I could do my cat room up to be a live in area for 24 hour support worker but it won’t be a five minute job, The room needs completely redecorating due to the cats scratching everything. Even after the room is okay for a carer/support worker to move in I’d still have to be confident that I could find a trustworthy live-in Personal Assistant. This is going to be hard for me because my trust isn’t gained easily after things that have happened to me. I feel that this is the only way that I can still live in my own home and the support that I require. I need my meals planned and for the PA to be able to cook (I’m not able to follow recipes due to my learning disability). We would need to make sure that we could stand each others company long term. I’m traumatised right now but any one that takes on this PA role will be helping me reintegrate into life after that trauma and hopefully into a new future. If I get any PIP reinstated after appeal I can pay them a wage and living expenses (due to the PA living under my roof). It’s strictly business. I’m not wanting a PA/Support Worker for any other reason but professional. I’ll be their employer and friend if we have been seeing each other long term in a professional capacity. I just have to point out that I do not trust over night after everything I’ve been through.
I have one more thing to say tonight. I managed to prevent my cold getting any worse and my sore nose instantly better by adding a few drops of tcp antiseptic into my Baths for the last two days. I feel a lot better but I am hoping my cold will go within the next few days.