Unable to sleep.

I can’t sleep again. The last few days my cold has woken up at night when I want to sleep. I have a sore nose despite putting things on it to avoid this symptom. I’m hoping it goes away soon as I’ve had it over a week. I have no chance trying to sort my sleeping pattern out with this cold kicking off every night. I have to keep waking up to blow my nose. I have taken some cold medication but it has made it worse. I’m relaxed but still got a runny nose. I was nearly asleep but then my nose decided to start running. I feel better tonight compared to the last few days which is a positive sign the cold is leaving me. I just don’t shake off colds that easily. I can get them for 2 to 3 weeks.

I’m also feeling guilty about every thing that has happened. I start hating myself for having a form of Autism even though I know it’s not my choice. I have to live with things my autism has caused and this is increasingly difficult. I hate myself. I hate myself even worse because I know that I couldn’t help being the way that I was at certain times. Even if I make progress and completely change… I’m still evil to the core because of the past. I’m already set to go to hell after I die even if I tamed some aspects of my autism long term. I will always feel evil though.