I think I’m starting to feel better. I remain feeling lost though.

I finally feel like I’m moving forward in regards to the depression I was constantly experiencing. I got up early this morning. I needed a nap but felt a lot better than I have done in a while. I don’t think I’ll ever get over what has happened to me completely. It’s just nice to feel better for a change. I haven’t felt great in weeks. I finally got my blood test done today. That is why I was up so early. I don’t make a habit of getting up at half 7 every day. It would have felt like a very long day without a nap. The Cats even looked at me funny. They haven’t seen me get up that early in months. I will have to be up early at the end of the month because I have to drop Mimi off at the Vets for her dental procedure when they open. She has to be in for the whole day. I can see again from tomorrow because I get my glasses back from the Opticians. I only use them for reading so it’s not been too inconvenient. I am used to only using one eye due to the other one being lazy (can’t remember the medical name for it). 

I still feel quite lost in life. That feeling never goes because I just feel excluded from things. I want to be a part of things but I feel that others don’t want me. I really wanted to go into Journalism from a young age and I feel that I’ve been pushed out of that career route because of how those in the profession have treated me. I can’t get over how they treated me and really still do treat me. I had no malicious intent. I just wanted a leg up. Part of me did like someone else but mostly it was me wanting to network. I’ve now sealed myself out of that career forever. 

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