Day: November 7, 2018

Vegetables are suppose to be healthy. I dispute that fact. I had a veggie stir fry tonight and it has given me an upset stomach. I don’t want to go into detail but I still  feel awful. They say eat healthily but vegetables do that to me. I need to get to sleep tonight because I have my blood test booked for early in the morning. It was the next available time. I wake up at a stupid hour every morning. I just make myself get up and go out before dropping back off to sleep. I will be throwing on the heating to make it easier. The cold makes me want to go back to sleep. I use the radiator to warm up my clothes anyway. I’m hoping I’m okay by the morning. I’m feeling slightly better but it still feels a bit wrong. Anyway I’m off before it gets late.

 

I had an appointment with my probation officer today. I get annoyed with how the system has a certain attitude. I’ve been told to revise my statement for the application to remove the unpaid work requirement order. They agreed with every point I made about what I’ve previously mentioned on here. Apart from questioning the victims statements after the news that they’d lost their job at the University was announced. Apparently it will get the magistrates back up because they won’t think I’m remorseful and I have to do things in stages because that is how the legal system works. I wish that we could just cut the crap and go straight for the whole points.

There should be less faffing around. People just need to say it exactly what they are too afraid to say. I’m starting to drill this aspect into the Autistic community after years of being told I’m not doing it right. It’s taken me a decade to get others to wake up. I’ve got into a lot of trouble, lost my son and emotionally ended up quite damaged due to everything. I have constantly made personal sacrifices. I would love something back or at least attitudes to change. And I’m certainly not showing full remorse for actions against a person who has proven to be over sensitive. I’m not taking responsibility for their sensitivities. In law it actually states that a person cannot be held accountable for a person more sensitive than what the ‘normal range’ is said to be. I’m sick and get a migraine when I’m stressed. I cannot hold anyone responsible for that because it’s not classed as the average reaction to stress. Unless you’re directly linked with causation then legally no one else is liable for reactions of a person if they have a particular sensitivity.

I have psychologically studied the other person involved for a few years via online posts. The conclusion I’ve made is that they have serious personality disorder when it comes to taking things as a personal insult. They also have a bullying and manipulative side to their nature. I’m not prepared to take responsibility for their issues. I’m determined to clear my name at some point. I’m not going to give up fighting to do that. Also I have ultimately paid £900 in fines by the time the last £150 has been paid in January (counting both courts and victim fines). I’m determined to reclaim that money because after everything it’s what I feel is justice. Also, I’m virtually living on barely anything due to benefit cuts so reclaiming that money and more for emotional distress will be helpful financially to me.

I get very irritated by my sensitivity. I am physically sick when I’m stressed over things. I’ve met other people that don’t have to deal with that happening to them. Why do I have to be one of the sensitive ones? I have got ill due to things that have happened and in my eyes this makes me some kind of weakling. I don’t want to be affected so badly but that is how stress and constant anxiety affects me. I know that I haven’t helped the situation by abusing painkillers but originally I took them for intense migraines. That was a reaction to stress too. I get migraines before I’m sick. I keep feeling dizzy regularly but that could also be anemia again. I know that I shouldn’t have missed my blood test but I was too exhausted to get up. It’s like fighting a weight in top of me when I get to that point. I have had enough of feeling ill. It’s constantly every day now. I never get a break from feeling crap.