I need certain things to happen because I’m affected that badly.

I am aware that people think I’m probably being ridiculous. There will be friends of mine thinking I am safer not getting someone to change the situation. I understand the concern but I can handle the other person after what they’ve put me through. I’m badly affected by things staying as they are currently. I don’t want to upset anyone but I’m suffering and this isn’t fair on me.

If the other person isn’t working at the University any more then there is more ability for them to sort out the order etc. For instance, take off the order and go to those that are in control of convictions or even just the court to take off my unpaid work and extra rar (probation rehab) days. I’ve well and truly paid my dues and things being the way they are right now is affecting my daily life. I’ve been punished several times over for not being ‘normal’. I’ve learned my lesson. I need things ended and made okay for my own wellbeing. I didn’t chose to have the PDA form of Autism. I even am not angry at the other person involved because it’s not their fault that we got off on the wrong foot. If they truly have no ill feelings towards me then they should easily be able to do that for me. They don’t work at a certain place any more and we may not be able to stand each other as friends but staying like this isn’t good. I deserved to go to Prison. I’ve learned from that and I do have more self control now. I thank them for that but please can things be changed because I’ve been punished enough…

Sleepiness vs. what I was actually supposed to do today.

I can only be quick because I have popped into the library to drop off a book they wanted back which has been buried in my flat for months. I weren’t able to renew it for the millionth time. I wanted to despite the fact that I haven’t made jewellery for a very long time. I had the intentions to use the designs in the books but things happened which meant that my Summer was spent not at home. I actually can’t remember how to do it anymore. I have a mashed up brain because of life things over the past decade. I can’t recover it. I attempted to write a book but I can’t even barely string a sentence together nowadays. I may be able to on the the blog but when you’re writing a book it’s a different style. I no longer have a brain which can think in sequence, let alone write in sequence enough to create an understandable plot. I don’t even have the ability to do it from events that I’ve seen in life.

I didn’t do what I was meant to do this morning because I literally fell asleep subsequently resulting in me missing my blood tests. I don’t feel ready to find out if I have liver damage anyway. If I happen to be anemic again then it’s not like they can give me any helpful treatment which doesn’t result in my monthlies getting way too heavy. I’ve had enough of having to deal with them as they have gone. I don’t want them any worse due to taking iron supplements. I hate being tired all the time with the added annoyance of insomnia as well. I can’t fight the tiredness or the insomnia. I am aware that my brain is getting confused due to the tiredness. I don’t think I have a working body clock anymore. I was better when I grudgingly got out of bed for things like college with huge reluctance. I just don’t think I can cope with college at the moment and getting any form of job is impossible with a record. I can’t go on that Yes project until my rehabilitation days given to me by the court are done. I still have my unpaid work suspended. I’m going to try to get my probation officer to make an application to court because I’ve been on all the groups that they offer on my first set of rehab days. I also literally can’t cope with some of the unpaid work requirements. The fact that I cannot leave the premises of where I’m working is a a huge issue with my Autism. I have to go for a break away from where I am to keep feeling settled. I can’t handle anything if I can’t get away from where I’m doing something for a break. People that don’t understand Autism think I’m making an excuse but those that know me are used to me going off on my own at breaks. They know it isn’t a personal thing towards them. It’s something that I have to do so that I don’t get overly stressed out.