I didn’t do my plans today. I’m getting better but it varies.

I was enthusiastic to go out this morning until I got up to get ready. I decided that I wasn’t ready. I have a migraine too which isn’t helping. I am getting better but it’s varying from day to day. One day I could wake up and feel able to do things. Then the next day I’m the opposite. This is the reality of PDA Autism. I thought it was just Depression but it makes sense now I’ve researched details. That is why I would like to be recategorised from Aspergers to PDA officially. I have never felt like a typical Autistic. I always knew that I had a slight variation which wasn’t a personality disorder.

I care too much to have a personality disorder. I feel absolutely everything (which doesn’t help). I still feel really guilty since I heard someone had been dismissed from their job and I can’t shake that despite others telling me it’s most likely karma. It doesn’t stop me feeling awful due to the fact that one time I demanded that they were sacked in anger. Be careful what you wish for when you’re angry because you don’t really mean it. That is what started everything because I was angry and tried to wind someone up to get back at what I perceived as being let down. The let down was a huge deal to me at that time. It means less to me now and I wish I’d never got angry and started issues between us. I am a naturally angry person because that is actually part of PDA. You’re either angry or anxious, both those states don’t help us not snap at other peoples actions. It’s extremely hard for us to let go of hurt because of being in those two states a lot. 

I need to go out to get petrol to be able to get Mister to the Vets tomorrow. I am hoping that there is no stupid youngsters with egg and flour around. The stupidity that goes on at Halloween spoils things for those that are responsible with their celebrations of the event. It’s like when people dress up as mental patients others with mental illnesses get offended. There are plenty of other costumes around. I am personally not one of those that are offended by people going as mental patients but I know that there has been some debate on it. I just don’t feel like dealing with any crap while I’m out because of my migraine but I need petrol for tomorrow morning. I’m trying to click my back to ease it but it feels really stiff tonight. I swear that I’m getting a ridge in my spine. I need to deal with that before I end up hunch backed. It may be what is causing my migraines too. There are no pain receptors in your head. The pain is normally coming from somewhere else. I know that I still have blocked sinuses which isn’t helping because that causes a headache.