Playing on my mind over and over again.

I have heard time and time again how someone helped many other people. Changed their lives for the better etc. But they ruined my life. This makes me question what is so bad about me that I deserve to be treated in the way that I have been? Maybe I have an evil soul or something. That’s the only explanation to be treated the way I am being long term. I have been left destroyed. Yes, I may have been a b*tch at some points but no one goes through life without getting annoyed with others and saying regrettable things. I’ve been overly punished.

I feel like I’m being tortured constantly for my mistakes and there will be no end to it. The other person could have helped me. They still could but they insist on holding on to whatever they’ve got into their head about me. Those things aren’t even accurate. I’m not a threat to anyone and was it so wrong for just wanting a friend but having no idea how to do it? I didn’t chose to be backwards. This doesn’t make me an awful person who is undeserving. Things could be sorted out at any point but they won’t do it. It is easy to see how its destroyed my confidence and literally made me ill. How uncaring can someone be to ignore that and not sort out something that only they are in the position to sort out? They’re even qualified to sort everything out because of the degree that they have.