I barely got any sleep last night because I couldn’t settle due to knowing I had a long day. I can’t settle when I know that I have to get up because my anxiety is that high at the moment. I had a meeting with my probation officer. I told her about going to start the process of being diagnosed with PDA. She agreed with me that there will probably be a long waiting list. But unless someone can raise nearly £4000 to go privately for a diagnosis this is my only option. I doubt that anyone is going to do that for me. I also don’t feel right taking that much money off of others because my health issues are my responsibility.
I stepped on the scales today and discovered I’d gained less weight than I predicted. That is always a good thing when you know that you’ve been pigging out on crap in recent weeks. I’m hovering up and down around 9 and a half stone. I need to cut a lot out of my diet to get under 9 stone again and I don’t want to give certain things up. I need to do my exercises again as well as walking but my energy levels haven’t made that possible recently. I feel like my days revolve around eating and this isn’t good because I don’t want to overeat and I want to be under 9 stone. I need to start doing things during the day other than walking and then resting. I won’t be able to until my anxiety isn’t as bad. I just feel lazy like I’m getting nothing done. I had all these plans as a youngster and now I’m getting older I just can’t do them. I’m too affected by what I’ve been through and don’t want to try because I don’t want the pain of failing again.