Began the official PDA diagnosis process today. And a year older tomorrow.

I went to the GP to start the official diagnosis process for Pathological Demand Avoidance today and I have booked to have my blood checked in case I have damaged my organs with pain killers over the years. I now have to wait while those referrals go through. At least the process has been initiated. Only recently the NHS has been willing recognise the condition due to other countries officially adding it to their radar. Six months ago, adults wouldn’t have been able to get a referral for this diagnosis. Children were barely being given the diagnosis. I have been waiting a long time to be recategorised since I started talking to others involved with PDA and realised that I wasn’t my original Asperger diagnosis. It just wasn’t possible before now for those of us that had been put in the wrong category. I have to go to the place I didn’t find that helpful previously for a diagnosis but I’m not going to let them not do anything for me this time around. We have limited resources in this area and we have to make them work somehow. I refuse to be left and not given the right support.

I have barely eaten in 2 days because I’m just not hungry. It is best to ration food if you aren’t that hungry and cannot afford to buy as much due to benefits cuts. It makes absolutely no sense. I need to scale down on eating though because I have been eating a lot. I go from one extreme to another especially when I can visibly see weight gain. I can psychologically drill into myself that I’ve been overdoing it on the eating side if my weight starts creeping up.

I am 31 tomorrow. The years have gone by far too fast. I feel like I was a teenager just yesterday. When there are teenagers starting their careers and doing things in the Autism community that makes me feel old. I was 17 and under when I was into writing articles for various places and doing other things. I was a lot more motivated in those days than I am right now. Life grinds you down year by year and if you’re not strong enough it will flatten you at times. I can’t believe I’m in my 30’s already. I wish I’d have been more successful by this age. Hopefully if I finally get the right diagnosis and tailored support which is correct I will be more successful.

As I am struggling to get Maths GCSE, I’ve decided to look into the Open University. I won’t need that entry requirement then for any undergraduate I decided to study. In all honesty, I also would rather not attend university because I preferred home study and actually did better in regards to grades. I’m thinking about taking a Law degree via the Open University. I enjoyed the subject and did quite well in it at GCSE level. It’s not a subject I’d ever consider taking previously and I originally took the GCSE because it was just an extra subject to build my education which I missed at school. I haven’t decided yet. I’ve spoken to the Open University advisor who told me to familiarise myself with the topics on the free site that they host and then make a decision in regards to the February starting date. It eases people into the subjects and gives them an opportunity to see what the material is within the subjects they’re interested in will be.