I’m feeling worse than I have for a long time. This is probably the most difficult time of my life so far. It’s harder in the aftermath of a lot of things happening than it ever was at the time I was going through it. I’m just emotionally and physically tired. I’m not even consciously choosing to isolate myself. I just have absolutely no desire to be around anyone out there right now. The place that I live in has seen better days. I have tried to do some of the housework but I can’t face it all in one go. I’m in desperate need of a hair cut (the split ends are dry and rough-got to the point where conditioner etc doesn’t help) but I cannot afford it.
I even slept last night but I’m still tired. Admittedly, I woke up at half 7 this morning. It’s felt like a long day because I’ve kept myself doing things all day. I don’t think that I’ll get through this time. I cannot remember any time when I felt this bad apart from when things were directly happening to me. I am traumatised and I think it’s going to destroy me. I’ve been strong. I can’t do it much longer. I just want to sleep all the time. I have things in life but it’s not enough to keep me in this struggle long term. I’m trying but I have nothing that is worth holding on for apart from the Cats. The Cats won’t be enough eventually. I could never end my life, but I can neglect myself to the point where it ends my life. I have no quality of life. I can barely afford anything because of benefit cuts, even struggling to pay necessary things like rent and bills. I don’t even feel like I’m able to go out much now. I’ll never get a career that I actually is enjoyable to me because of mental health and criminal label. I just can’t see no positives here.