One of my really awful days.

I woke up feeling extremely awful. Others that don’t even know me have noticed how tired I look. I posted a photo on twitter earlier saying that I agreed with a comment that a complete stranger made to me when I popped in the Supermarket for something. I can’t even see straight today. I keep losing my balance. I didn’t get up until the afternoon. I really need to change that but I can’t sleep at night. I’m unable to settle in this area anymore. I have to move away otherwise I’m never going to be able to relax properly. The memories will not go away. I don’t see any positive times in this area. It’s all been horrible. Either I have something wrong with me or I’m just badly affected mentally by all of these things. I don’t feel right and I am fed up. If I get out of this area then I won’t be stressed every time I go out by unpleasant memories.

Others don’t realise that it is difficult for those of us with negative pasts to live in the same area where we grew up. Let’s face it, as soon as I got back my presence made others get at me. I know far too much. I have seen way too much. Others know that I’m not the type to keep my mouth shut. Even that aside, I am not the same person I was when I grew up here. I was naïve and didn’t know the dangers around me. I didn’t want to come back to live here. I wasn’t given a choice because of circumstances. That is why I’ve asked for donations. I really need to get away from this area. I’m actually desperate just to pack up at the end of my lease here and just go. I have a while to find another place because my lease doesn’t end for another 6 months. I will need to repair the wall etc where the cats have been naughty before I go though because if I leave it like this then my landlord will not be happy. I’d love to go sooner but I cannot arrange to move without planning. I need to go somewhere where I know that I have a decent place. I want to be settled wherever I end up. I’m used to my life being up in the air. That isn’t what I need anymore.

If I really had any talent then I would have made it in the worse of places (this area). Also, if I was that attractive then I could snap my fingers and have whoever I wanted. I am none of that because I try hard but get absolutely no where.

2 thoughts on “One of my really awful days.

  1. I also need to get outta here; a place where I was beckoned back by family, whom have driven my crazy…really, clinically crazy. I myself could back off on a return to SF because of the cost, but I have foound beauty and nice people in a place I would never had thought…where? Pittsburgh, PA. I also need money for the rent and deposit so I can get the he double-hockey-sticks out of my bad memory town – Cleveland.


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