I am feeling very bored this evening. I don’t normally get bored at all. I just feel so fed up and lack interest in everything right now. I need to sleep soon which will definitely put an end to feeling bored. I can’t be bored if I’m asleep. I do feel sleepy enough to sleep well tonight. I’ve eaten a stupid amount of food tonight. I’m not used to eating that much food but there wasn’t much else to do. The television is not great on a Thursday. I watched The Circle on Channel 4 earlier and I find the contestants so dull. One is pretending to be a female using his girlfriends photo and name. Another one is an extremely annoying character. It’s like Big Brother via a social network. I can’t stand Big Brother anyway. I’m the world’s harshest critic. I am even brutally honest when it comes to talking to myself. eg. I look in the mirror wearing something that shows off every single bulge of unattractive fat. I will tell myself that I look absolutely crap in it and pick out every part of it which makes me look fat. I lose friends by telling people exactly what I think about whatever they’ve done in my presence. And, if someone asks me if their bum looks big in a piece of clothing that makes it stick out… I’m sorry but I’m just going to have to tell the truth there. If an outfit really didn’t suit someone then I wouldn’t let them walk out the door in it. That wouldn’t be for my benefit. I’d like someone to tell me if I looked awful in an outfit. I certainly wouldn’t be going out in that outfit once they told me.
In all honesty, despite feeling bored right now. I don’t want to do anything in life right now. I just have no desire to do anything. Maybe mentally and emotionally I need a break. I will feel much better when I get the money together to move away from here. I just want to start again away from the area where I grew up. I shouldn’t have came back here. There is far too many bad memories here and as I have stayed here longer, those memories come back as nightmares. I don’t know where I’m going to move but I’m sure that I will find it easier to socialise anywhere anyway from where I grew up. I was never suppose to come back to this area to live. There is nothing to keep me here and my quality of life is limited in this area. Limited because I can’t go out and socialise because of the past and the memories that haunt me. I did a lot better after I moved away. I will never go back to the area I grew up in once I’ve left here soon.