The painkillers are finally out of my system. I’m starting to feel less wound up. I have had a detox bath to help the chemicals come out faster. And forget the last few posts I made on here. I actually do not care about the past when I’m not in an addiction state or even a coming off a substance state. I am not going to say ‘drop dead’ to the ones that let me down because I have learned that those words or even thoughts in that direction can be dangerous. I may have indirectly sent others involved things along them lines over the time everything was happening. I don’t want to harm anyone else.
However, they harmed me and caused me to go into further addiction. I forget that being connected to everything isn’t a brilliant idea when you’re angry. I didn’t understand what I am able to do at the time. I’m like the worse witch in real life. I’m still young and most people into the spiritual things are a lot older than myself. There is so much more to it than I realised when I was younger. I try to think positive thoughts but I can’t make myself forgive anyone else. I’m trying not to convert those feelings into negative energy which may just get flung out into the universe. I still feel that I don’t know every single detail that it would have been closure to know, but I can’t make others tell me. I don’t want any more nastiness thrown in my direction. It’s not like I can’t feel there’s something else that I haven’t been told. I’m sure others have their reasons for not telling me or skipping around it when varies parties were communicating. I no longer wish to push to know things that have gone on behind my back.
That doesn’t mean that I fully accept the past. I am trying to give myself a break from a lot of things right now. I never got over any of the thing that I’ve been through. I tried to go on to the next thing too soon. I need to have time out now because I even find daily life challenging. I can’t make plans like this because I’m far too anxious. I have a Nightwish concert ticket for anyone who would like to go. It’s at Birmingham Arena in December 2018. I have made the decision that as much as I’d love to go, my anxiety won’t let me. If anyone wants the ticket or knows someone who would like it then please let me know. I’m also planning to move away from this area as soon as possible.