Suffering withdrawal affects quite badly.

Since I stopped taking the painkillers I’ve developed a cold with sore throat. It feels like allergies. I don’t know where it’s all come from but only that there is no end to what is coming out of my head. It’s constantly filling up. If it dries there I’ll get a headache but I can’t keep up with how much it needs blowing. I’m quite tired because I’ve taken some thing to help me get my sleep pattern back. I couldn’t do this the last couple of days because I had so much caffeine in my system from the painkillers. There is no point them in near each other because they perk you up but make you feel tired at the same time and it definitely doesn’t help you get to sleep. I did that a long time ago. The feeling of being wired and sleepy at the same time felt very odd. This was the times before they found out that zopiclone was also addictive so they don’t prescribe them for long term use now.

If you’re on one or more medication, then it is important to spread it out. The chemicals might interact and mutate themselves in to a different chemical compound because they merge. All medications break down and if they do it at exact same time as another one it may have an affect that you weren’t expecting. I’ve taken a lot of medication in my life. I was treated for Epilepsy when I didn’t have it as a child. It is actually a miracle that my brain actually functions as well as does now. I know that my brain is damaged by chemicals. It makes me feel sad because I don’t feel like I’m a proper living thing. Biologically, I’m different and how do I know that I’m the same as everyone else? I look human but I don’t feel human because I feel cut off and on my own. I may feel things but I still feel disconnected like I’m a different species. They say that all humans are the same but how do I know that I’m not a different species which got created by accident? That is how I feel every day of my life. I look human but am I physically and mentally a human? I find it hard to see myself with human species typical mental functioning. I’m sorry, I go into deep thinking mode when I’m this tired after taking something to help me sleep.

I felt sick when the painkillers were first on their way out of my system. I also felt emotional and agitated most of the day. I went for a walk. That helped a bit. I don’t like walking at this time of the year though. I nearly got blown away. It’s starting to get chilly at times. We are going to get 4 months of snow apparently. I really dislike driving in that weather. It scares me when you hear breaks grinding underneath your car and you’re not stopping properly. We had enough snow last winter, even up to the first day of ‘Spring’.

I feel like I want to move away. I thought that I could handle living here but it continues to give me nightmares and I’m always constantly on edge.