Quit everything today. I’m not feeling well.

I gave notice on my voluntary art/creative project job today. I am waiting to hear back about my Maths class. I will keep doing it if I don’t have to keep attending class. I’m not getting it at their pace. I can do it but they go too fast when I haven’t understood it. I do want my last GCSE but I have a learning disability when it comes to Maths and barely learnt any of it at school. I feel extremely sick because that is the long term effects of the painkiller abuse. It’s a sign the addiction is getting to danger point. I was always led to believe that you need to quit all commitments to get better. I was never the type to do that.

However, I feel that a break is something I’ve needed since I fought my son’s adoption. It took it’s toll on me emotionally. I just insisted on keeping going and I couldn’t mentally stay unaffected. I don’t show my emotions and it isn’t easy to see if I’m distressed because I don’t like showing it. I smile more when I am upset. This is how I learned to be from an early age. I don’t want this to be a permanent break but I really need a rest. I’m even struggling to write the blog tonight. I usually write much longer entries and they seem to be getting shorter. I had no desire to go for a walk today either. I did some of the housework but that has taken me weeks to make myself do that task.