There is never enough time in the day! Especially when you don’t get up until lunch (I was relaxed with the cat).

Okay, maybe there is when you get up at a decent hour rather than lunchtime. The cat came to snuggle with me and the next thing I knew I’d fallen asleep with her and woken up at lunchtime. I just feel rushed during my waking life. I feel rushed to get better in regards to my depression because probation has only suspended me from my unpaid work for a month. I may not even get to go back in the charity shop if they don’t want me anymore once I’m reinstated, meaning I’ll then have to go do the manual labour that we were shown the other week. I keep getting broken nails and some of them just aren’t growing after they’ve broken off.

I cannot feel stressed to this point otherwise I’ll never sort it out to complete the unpaid work hours. I do feel that stressed and it’s horrible because I feel like I’m having to pay for the way my Autism affects me. That isn’t fair. I find every day life torturous enough without being forced into unpaid work situations. I’m technically paying back to the community for being born with a condition. If you take the legalities away from the situation, then in a logical sense this seems morally wrong. The whole lot of it seems morally wrong. But, I’m going to get mud thrown at me for saying that by those that don’t understand Autism whatsoever. I go to my new GP and although they’re attempting to get me counselling at the very least; they’re still not able to understand how traumatised I actually am. That trauma is made more severe by my Autism. They don’t see how I have to live on a daily basis.

I can’t make people listen to me. I have tried and look where that got me. I would just like people to understand but they aren’t able to relate to what I’m saying and this is where the difficulty lies. Unless we can get others to somehow relate things we’re saying to aspects of their lives then we’re not going to get a more Autism friendly society. If others which don’t have ASD’s have never experienced our feelings and the affects that certain aspects of life have on us; then we aren’t going to be able to find a middle ground which suits both neurotypical and ASD individuals. I must point out that I have referred to Autism Spectrum as ASD’s but I understand if others would rather me term it ASC’s because they don’t like the word disorder. This is the terminology I learned to use back in the day (about a decade ago) when people didn’t really know even what these conditions were. Those were the early days of awareness spreading for those of us that were technically there from the Autism awareness infancy. However, as I have previously stated, we have made people aware of the condition but we now need to develop the understanding aspect within the awareness work. This is going to be a challenge because of the reasons I stated above. 

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