I have literally not slept all night. I am exhausted but restless at the same time. I’m very afraid that I won’t convince my GP that I’m ill enough mentally to get them to provide evidence that I’m in no fit state to do community service placement. I feel like I’m climbing up the walls with my anxiety level. That’s how much the thought of doing the community payback hours distresses me. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling terrified of others at the moment. I can barely be around others for even a few hours without having to get away, let alone 7 hours not being allowed to leave. I’ve spent a month in prison. Surely this is enough to teach me a lesson? I feel worn out from all the stuff that has gone on. As much as I would have wanted someone in my life at one point, I just long for it to all be over. I’ve been punished and I just want a peaceful life now. It’s quite obvious that there will never be an agreement that makes us both happy. I should have quit forcing issues a long time ago. I can’t deal with the unpaid work requirement. I did the probation courses. I showed willing when I was mentally able to do so. The courts and the other person has their way now. I’m out of their life and I’m not going back to keep being tortured. If they ever remotely cared about the stress they’ve caused me then they wouldn’t have treated me the way that they did. I stuck up for them so many times but those around me were right. I shouldn’t stick up for a person who was so horrible to me by their actions. I made so many excuses for them… but at the end of the day, they were just a nasty person. I’m sorry but there is no other explanation. They don’t care how distressed I’ve been left due to things that have happened. They only see it from their perspective. I’m left questioning constantly why I wasn’t good enough for them to help me rather than do what they did. According to others they’ve spent their life whole life helping others. I was obviously not good enough or may be they didn’t see me as a person with feelings. They must think I’m too evil to deserve kindness.