I feel that I must say this in response to some of those people within the parents of forcibly adopted children’s group. They made an open accusation on one of their statuses which made out that all of us that have lost our kids aren’t fighting for change enough to stop this practice and to see our children again. Let’s get one thing straight here. I am one that has never gone home and cried for months on end over what happened. I fought for my son every step of the way up until the adoption order was actually made (this took over a year representing myself in court). I have since NEVER stopped talking about it and trying to get laws changed. I risked my own sanity for the cause (amongst other causes in the past as a teen) and lost my head several times. You won’t meet anyone else who has as much passion and strength as me. I fully care about what I do to try to change what is going on.
I was completely broken after losing my son and still managed to summon up the strength to go challenging this system. Having a baby and it being forcibly adopted is one of the most awful things someone can go through. Those of you that have never had a child has no idea of the emotional impact it has on a Mother. There is always an invisible link to your child and part of you remains missing for the rest of your life. They’re not just adopting your child, but also taking a part of you away creating a void which gets filled with anger and pain. You’re not even aware of the way it’s affected you until you’re over the worse of it. I may have appeared childish and irrational (I look back at old videos and even I see that), but I couldn’t let go of that anger and pain for a long time. It’s always going to be there. I’ve tried to make contact via the post room with my son but I never received a letter back. There is no letterbox contact order in place, therefore it is down to my son’s parents whether they reply. I didn’t do anything but have my disability to not get contact. They also made the excuse that because I fought the adoption then I’d potentially disrupt his life. I’m not threat to anyone, especially not my son. I was inexperienced and nervous but a loving Mother to him.
Unless I lost my disability, then I’d never had been good enough no matter how hard I tried. It’s not like a drug habit. I can’t rid myself of my disability. I also got post natal depression which I went to the GP (in the area I was living at that time) about. I received no support, just sent home with a box of anti depressants and was continued to be bullied by children’s services and the midwife who sided with them because of my Mother’s attitude. They basically couldn’t agree with each other. I had so many people telling me what I should be doing but all those things were different. My head was already all over the place enough. Out of tiredness and sheer frustration I told a mate that I thought I’d hurt my son. Bare in mind I was stressed up to the max with children’s services meetings and constant intrusion (both of which are major factors that are proven to make those with an ASD fail). I had a pre birth assessment which said my IQ was unscorable because it was so all over the place. They gave me this assessment when I was 6 months pregnant. The baby brain thing had set in by that point. I explained to this Psychologist that I hadn’t had a lot of schooling but I was intelligent in other ways. Everything the pre birth assessment flagged up as a potential issue which would cause me to fail was a tactic they played against me to get my son for adoption.
In general though, no one listens to a person diagnosed with a form of Autism. The reason I’ve got into trouble over the years is because no one was listening to me. I was just being ignored and none of my points being taken into consideration. We don’t have a voice. Even when we’re speaking, people don’t see us as a person. And, even if we are seen as a person, there is a trend in society which states that our opinions, views, feelings etc does not count. It’s all about the neurotypicals around us. They always get what they want but we may always fight for what we want. However, people will either blank us by any means or pretend that we aren’t saying anything at all. There may be a lot of negative stories that have circulated about me over the years. They aren’t the whole truth. I tried to do a lot of positive work but no one wanted to listen to me in any part of life because I was open about my Autism. Let’s face it, the likes of Chris Packham is only being listened to because he established his name before coming out about his diagnosis. If he wasn’t a well established television presenter before releasing that information then he would be just another voiceless face in the crowd of us that have tried to speak out.