I really want to get off of this rollercoaster. This is Pathological Demand Avoidance life at it’s worse. There desperately needs to be a proper diagnosis and support path produced and approved by NICE.

I feel completely fed up at the moment. I wish that I could get off what feels like a rollercoaster. And, I just found out about my incorrect usage of … punctuation. I always have used it when I wasn’t sure what to say, certainly not to imply that there was anything else which I weren’t saying. I realised that may have confused readers and made people think that I was maliciously leading people into truths that weren’t actually there. I never went to school a lot. I am learning things as I go along and I genuinely thought that punctuation was used to portray thinking rather than implying extra information. I may act more intelligent than I actually am. I never used to use it to imply anything, but apparently, this is how it is actually interpreted via the English language. It’s been hard having had barely any formal education. I’ve probably been punished for misinterpretation of my written communication. I didn’t see anything wrong in it. This was only due to not having had proper schooling from the age of 12. I was kicked out of school and then didn’t have chance to learn the social stuff because they didn’t really recognise Autism in children back then. They recognise them now, mostly accept them, but there are those on the PDA part of the spectrum still getting kicked out of formal education.

It is absolutely shameful that NICE refuses to recognise PDA as part of the spectrum. This results in those individuals not getting the right support. It wouldn’t be so bad awful if PDA support didn’t differ so much from every other Autism part of the spectrum. I think that NICE should recognise Pathological Demand Avoidance condition as a separate thing, rather than part of the Autistic Spectrum. It causes confusion which those of us with it do not need on top of the daily high anxiety we experience. If the ‘support’ is different than for other Autistic Spectrum Conditions then it really does need to be separated. It baffles those who do not know about ASD’s. People label individuals on this part of the spectrum as manipulative and other things associated with personality disorders.

It is harmful to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder or even put that it is suspected on their notes if they are instead PDA. Those with personality disorders don’t have innocent minds. They know exactly what they’re doing, even if it’s subconsciously to get their desires. They premeditate their social actions. Their actions are NOT based on a flight or fight response or heightened anxiety. In PDA they do not premeditate, things are quite spontaneous in the fact that anxiety makes them panic and they just socially screw up. I do feel that it is extremely important that there are clear distinctions made regarding each condition I’ve mentioned in this paragraph using people who have the conditions to decipher what is and isn’t the correct label. I’m not an expert. I am using what I learned about Psychology during my GCSE’s to explain the above differences. I’ve met a lot of people with different mental conditions and these are the things I’ve observed. I have associates with personality disorders. I wouldn’t let them into my home (learned that lesson the hard way) because it’s all about them. Pure selfishness. And I know that PDA may look that way, but guilt also makes my behaviour issues worse. If I feel horrible about things I’ve done or said, then it triggers my ocd emailing etc. I’m not selfish. I am thinking about the other person who I may have upset if I mess up, but then I obsessively want to make it right and find it hard accepting that I can’t make it right sometimes.