Day: September 15, 2018

I don’t know how I’ve managed to get a huge bruise on my thigh but it came up today after my leg had been hurting for a few days. I probably walked into something because I’m that clumsy. I may have bashed my bags into my leg when I walked back from the supermarket a few days ago. It was hurting after that. I knew that my weight loss wasn’t going to last long. I feel more curvy recently. If I eat normally and have the drinks that I normally drink (even at a more limited basis) then I start to become curvy. I think I might be bloated as well which isn’t helping me not feel ‘fatter’. I liked my new slim figure. I haven’t gained all my inches back but I have gained at least an inch all the way around. It hasn’t helped lying in bed quite a lot due to tiredness.

I probably should get in contact with the GP to go back on anti depressants. I’m really fed up of constantly being behind because I sleep most of the day. That is a warning sign of depression which I’m trying to ignore because I don’t like taking medication for it. I’m eating quite a lot too when I’m not even hungry. I was trying to eat a lot of calories in order to lose weight like I was doing inside initially. Then I just started eating to pass the time (avoiding other things I had to do). I don’t want to admit I’m getting depressed. I have nothing to be depressed about. I’m free from what was going to be a 3 month sentence. I was given a chance. I may have still been in there until the end of October or restricted by a tag if I was released early.

Although, I was depressed before all that happened. I do need things sorting out but it can’t be due to the original order etc. It does affect me and I can’t hide that it has an impact on me even now. I don’t want to be stuck in a stagnated situation due to legal orders long term. I’m powerless to do anything about it and all it’s got me is bullied from others. I can move on to a point. But, it’s always there destroying me causing depression in the background. I tried to change it but I just got put in prison. All it contains is negative energy and bad luck. I don’t want that. I’ve seen 19.19 a few times over the last couple of days. And 555 on car number plates. They’re both unlucky numbers. I’m literally afraid of unlucky numbers now. I swear that something hanging around me knows that too. The clock in my car went to 19.19 and then back to 19.18, then 19.19 again. Then quickly skipped over 20 and 21 so it caught up with the correct time. I’m not mentally losing it. I know exactly what I saw. I’m really not in the mood to be messed about by the living or spirits at the moment. Any number but 1919 or 555 I do not see as bad luck.