I don’t know.

I’ve had one of those days where I don’t know how I feel. I haven’t barely replied to messages, so if you asked me something and I didn’t get back to you please don’t take it personally. I’m just feeling flat at the moment. I haven’t even been for a walk today. I just needed a break. I haven’t slept well the last couple of days. I need to get my sleep pattern back to normal (if there is such a thing with me). I’ve decided to eat more than I normally do today to see if it helped me feel any better. It definitely won’t if I gain weight. I don’t want to feel weak anymore.  I just feel drained for the last few days. It’s annoying. I don’t even want to communicate with anyone today because that feels way too tiring. I swear that my Autism side goes up and down. One day I can be sociable. Then the next, I just find it too much of an effort.

The good thing about having been in prison is the fact that time goes so fast out here in comparison. Last month, 3 weeks felt like 2 months. The last 3 weeks has felt like a few days because they’ve gone so fast. The lock up hours felt like a whole week until they came to open the door in the mornings. It felt nice to be locked up when you wanted a nap during the officers lunch hour. The nights after lock up just felt like they lasted forever, especially since we got locked up at half 4 during the weekends and then not opened until 8am the next morning. I’ve just completely gone off others at the moment. I’ve slowly started disconnecting myself emotionally from everyone else. I can’t help it because I just can’t bring myself to be trusting of others any longer.