Nightmares and other strange dreams.

I keep having nightmares and strange dreams that seem coded but I cannot understand them. It is so very confusing.  It’s all around prison etc. Enclosed environments. I can’t remember every single detail but they were quite cryptic. I didn’t think that I was going to feel affected by my experiences because I thought that I benefited from them. However, I’m starting to feel the other affects of that experience now. I think it has negatively mentally affected me too. I don’t want to be like this. I just want a night where I can sleep feeling at peace. I did the first few nights after I got released. But then I started having weird dreams and some were like nightmares. I can barely sleep because after they wake me up I cannot settle again. I can’t even remember them but I just know that they’re not nice and hard to decipher.

I also just want my own space right now because I’m always tired. Socialising wears me out and I literally had to do that for a whole month non stop unless it was lock up time. It’s not like I didn’t like the people there. In general, I just get tired being around others in any aspect of life. It’s just a part of being able to feel things off of others. It can be draining and I end up worn out. It’s impossible to get away from the energies of others. I can’t not feel them because I’m naturally attuned. I have to learn to live with it but the energies floating around that prison were quite negative. It was a place where a lot of people were unhappy even if they appeared to be settled. There was a lot of sadness in their energies. I took all those energies on by accident. I’ve not learned how to block energy yet. I’m just starting to really feel things now. It took a huge mental toll on me and it’s only just starting to make that known to me. I just want to rest, but I never get a rest because my mind is continually overactive creating these nightmares and cryptic dreams.

And, I’ve finally came to the conclusion that you can never win with another person. Literally, if you disagree with someone, then you’re seen as an awful person. But, I’m not the kind of person who can just agree with things to keep the peace. If I totally do not agree with something, then there is no way that I’m going to pretend I do just to not be disliked or seen as an awful person. I just feel that being fake in that way isn’t helping others or society. 

One thought on “Nightmares and other strange dreams.

  1. I’d be surprised if the experience hadn’t left its marks on you. Though you took something positive away from it, and I’m so glad that’s a thing, it is also unpleasant-as-designed pretty much and sadly it would’ve been astonishing had it not left some scars. I just hope they heal quickly, and that the healing process is a positive one for you.

    Although I’m not as spiritual as you are, being someone who is myself a bit of a “spiritual agnostic”, I think what you say is reasonable. You’d need to have all the sensitivity of a brick to not pick up on all the suffering of people who are there and what got them there. That’s going to stay with you, at least for a while. I must admit to also rather morbidly wondering what’s gone on in any given cell prior to someone else being locked in there. Quite a lot of emotional history, I suspect, to understate it quite a lot. I mean they’re not going to stop using them no matter how bad it was.

    And with other people, often the best and only solution is to walk away. Sometimes it’s heart-wrenching, sometimes it’s just sheer frustration to turn the other cheek when someone is being an arse, sometimes… all sorts of things. But whatever the reason, cut your losses and protect your sanity. The future is the future. Don’t look back. There’s probably some clichéd, er, clichés that I haven’t managed to use but probably not many! But joking aside, it’s true. Another one of my “learning the hard way so other people (hopefully) don’t need to” things.

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