I’m letting nerves get to me about unpaid work next week. I’m trying to tell myself that nothing is as scary as it actually feels when you actually do it. However, I’m not convincing myself of that fact. I won’t be myself until I’ve got my first day done next week. I’m just letting myself get overly anxious about what I’ve been told about the things that are expected of me. I am getting stressed over it because I know that I have to do it. It’s like cat fleas really get me stressed out when the products you buy now doesn’t poison the fleas. But, I know that I have to then comb them on a daily basis to get rid of them all. It’s not a pleasant job and I sometimes get bites all up my legs at the worse parts of the year for fleas. It’s something that cannot be avoided though. It’s a duty, just like the community payback that I have to do. If I think of it like that then I can do it without getting overly anxious. It’s just a responsibility, like owning and looking after all aspects of the cats lives.
In other more positive news, I now have all my stuff back from the prison. I can now move on with my life properly because I feel more settled knowing that all my property is back with me. I found it hard to feel settled after getting out of prison. Apparently it’s a natural thing that people feel, despite the fact that I was only in there a month. I miss one of my friends that I saw on a daily basis because they helped me through my time there. I don’t know if we’ll stay in contact because in her last letter she said that now I need to focus on what I want in my life and forget all about my time there. She doesn’t have long until she gets out on tag. This means that she has a lot to sort out and we may lose contact. I’m just worried that life may mean we go our separate ways. I wouldn’t have got through my time in there without her. But she knows the issues that got me put in there so she knows it won’t be good to encourage reliance upon another because I’ll never get over my issues.